Managing a modern relationship can be difficult with all of the expectations of today’s woman. I don’t know about you but finding a guy who is appreciative of what we go through is challenging if not impossible. I’m currently working on a masters in psychology and human sexual response so I’ve applied some of my research to my personal life. AKA – Used my personal relationships as guinea pigs. I’ve had a couple long term and very fulfilling relationships that followed this formula. I’ve currently been with my boyfriend for about five years and we are considering marriage.
The number one thing that I attribute to this success is being in complete control of the sexual aspect of your relationship. I don’t mean that you have to be on top every time, do sex however you want but ensure that he must ask you for sex. If he attempts to initiate sex without asking permission, break off sexual activity and shoo him away.
If he asks for sex, don’t answer right away. Consider it for a moment before responding. This will ensure that he knows you are weighing the pros and cons and not overly anxious to hop in bed with him. Suggest and tease sex through the day and change your mind once you get home and comfortable. Too tired, headache you have used all of these reasons before. You want to show him that sex with him is a privilege and not something that he is owed. Certainly not something that he will get simply because you promised it earlier in the day. This will continue to reinforce his needs coming second to yours in the relationship. You want to demonstrate a level of sexual superiority in the relationship. As you build this dynamic, he will begin to feel less confident in the bedroom. Keeping your excitement about the prospect of having sex to a minimum will help him foster feelings of inadequacy and bring out some insecurities. This is a good thing, he needs a smack to his male confidence to help boost the importance of your sexual authority.
Once you get into the groove of things, you can start making other changes. One of the biggest is to stop sex when you are done not when he is done. Feeling uncomfortable? Feeling satisfied? Feeling bored? Just break it off and tell him that you are done for the evening. He will of course protest at the beginning but you can allow him to go to the restroom and finish himself off if you choose.
Initially sex can continue as normal but as time goes on, you should restrict him to having an orgasm on your terms. If you don’t get off, he shouldn’t either. I personally don’t allow my man to have an orgasm when we have sex and I don’t think you should either. Let sex be about the woman’s pleasure. This will ensure that he isn’t always in a hurry to complete the act and leave your pleasure as secondary. After sex, give him a rating of how much you liked it. We use the 1-10 scale but you can also use an A-F scale. Try to give mid-range scores with feedback on what he can do better to please you. You will see that he will be much more receptive to feedback and your pleasure than when he is permitted to ejaculate during sex.
Next comes masturbation. The male sexual arousal and sexual response is night and day different from that of the female. Females are capable of achieving orgasm multiple times and it doesn’t impact our hormones. Men on the other hand build up pressure in their testicles as sperm is produced. Semen is a mixture of fluid containing hormones and sperm. The hormones in semen are digested back into the body after about seven days and allow him to receive heightened levels of Oxytocin, the love hormone.
Most men masturbate at least once daily. Comb hair, brush teeth, shower, masturbate. Very routine indeed. As such, they have trained their bodies and their hormone (Oxytocin & Testosterone) levels to be very low. This presents a challenge since you will get a man who is interested in having his sexual needs fulfilled but not emotionally able to show you the love that you need for you to be able to feel aroused enough to want to have sex with him. Hormonal changes are the number one reason that sex typically drops off after marriage and relationships quickly become stale.
So how do you get your man to stop wanking? You can try a couple approaches with him. Be honest. Explain everything that I’ve explained here and see how he responds. I recommend that you allow him arousal through the week and full ejaculation on one day per week. This ensures that you’ve allowed his hormone levels to peak and release Oxytocin. If you start to suspect that he isn’t being honest with you and masturbating behind your back you can always test him. During his weekly ejaculation, have him ejaculate on your body so you can see his semen. If the volume is very low or is very watery, he isn’t telling the truth. After a week of pent up cum, it should be thick and there should be a large volume. If not, he is still keeping his old masturbation habits but telling you otherwise.
The honesty approach typically only works for a short time before he will start lying about masturbating. Think about it, he has a habit that has been going on since he was a teen. If he is in his late twenties, early thirties or older that is quite a habit to break. That is when I go for a tool to help me enforce things. The chastity cage.
Cock cages are growing in popularity as they are getting visibility in mainstream press and the designs are less intrusive to movement than barbaric cages of yesteryear. Cages are easily purchased on Amazon, eBay or other online retailers. They are cheap, especially if you go with the Chinese brands and I would suggest that you start there. If you want this to fail, pull out the cage and tell him to put it on. You need to approach this more delicately. Tell him that if he can’t refrain from masturbating that you may need to resort to something a bit different to help him. That may pique his interest and start a conversation. You don’t want the cage to be a punishment but more of a tool that you can use together to heighten your love life. If you are denying and controlling the sexual aspect of your relationship he should be compliant because he is used to your sexual dominance by this point.
When you try on the cage with him, do it for a short period of time. 10 or 15 minutes. He should have minimal discomfort during that time and may even find the attention to his nether regions kinky or arousing. Wait a day or two, then see if he can go an hour. Two hours. See if he can make it overnight. They can be uncomfortable but a swipe of Vaseline against the touch points on the underside of the cage will get him through the night without complaint. Make sure that you unlock him first thing in the morning. Wipe him with a washcloth and reward him with some praise, a few tugs or a quick blowjob. No cumming of course.
You want him to associate the cage with pleasure but not necessarily with sexual release. Check on him several times a day, grab his crotch when you are alone and tell him that you are just doing a cage check. Compliment him on how he looks and how sexy the cage makes him. At this point I really do like the look of a locked penis over the a flaccid penis so for me at least, that isn’t any stretch of the truth. You want the cage to equal your sexual acceptance for him, with time the cage itself will bring emotional satisfaction and self-worth. You want him to feel wanted when wearing the cage, you want him to desire wearing the cage because of the way you treat him. Again, don’t go for too long with him in the cage this time as the discomfort (negative) may start to out weigh the positive stimulus that you are providing. You just want to have it on long enough to reinforce the positive stimulus that you are attaching to it. From there, put the cage on a shelf for a week or two and ignore him sexually for the most part. He will quickly remember the attention that he received while in the cage and subconsciously yearn for it. You want him to want the cage and actually request it. You really want him to think that it is his idea to be locked.
Now that you’ve got him buying in to the whole lockup idea, you can go a bit longer. Start slow again but after a few days or a week, you should be able to get him through a weekend caged. After the first day or two, he will complain and this is normal. Be patient with him and don’t be overly critical at his complaining. This is completely new to him and he is going to want to talk about it. He may even start to have feelings or emotions come up after a few days due to the changes in masturbation habits and constant stimulation down there. As you continue to work him up to your goal of a week, more emotions will surface. He isn’t used to these levels of what is predominately a female hormone. Think of yourself and the roller-coaster of emotions that we feel throughout the month. He is on a roller-coaster that he has never ridden before. You are the one sitting beside him and comforting him through the ride. This will only serve to heighten the emotional bond between the two of you.
As you work him up to longer than a weekend, he will undoubtedly be wearing his cage to work and while doing some physical activities. He may complain of discomfort while doing activities such as basketball, hiking, golf, hiking, bicycling or any other activities that he might do. If he has an active outdoor job, he may find some discomfort. This is only natural since it does restrict his movement. Use your judgement based upon the activity that he is doing but most guys can remain in the cage without release for the entire week. My previous boyfriend did some rock climbing at our local gym and although it felt different, we determined that he could wear it comfortably and safely while climbing. After a few months he even stated that it made him feel more secure. We did have to try a couple cages to find one that fit him well while climbing. We found that the soft silicon cage was a much better fit than hard plastic or metal.
After he is accustomed to the cage and his weekly release schedule, he may go back to asking for sex and whining about release. As we discussed above, this will undermine your dominance and you need to put a stop to this kind of behavior. You now quite literally hold the key to changing his behavior. If you don’t want complaints, ask him nicely to stop. If he doesn’t stop, put your finger to your lips and say shush. Explain to him that each time you have to shush him, he will get an extra day locked up. If he continues, put two fingers to your lips and say shush. The ONLY time that he is able to talk about it, joke about it or even acknowledge the cage is if there happens to be some sort of emergency or if I ask “How are you doing down there?”. Punishments can be soft at first but the cage isn’t meant to be a topic of conversation or even a punishment. If left unchecked, you will find that he wants to talk about it constantly. Some of this may be his way of passive aggressively reminding you that you’ve got him locked but he needs to stop pestering and acknowledge that this is simply a new way of doing your relationship.
I’ve found that a week is a good time for most guys but you can extend that as long as you want. You want him to be obedient and compliant but you if he starts to act depressed or resentful you may want to adjust. Just be careful to keep an eye on his moods until you figure out the length of time that is perfect for him and his hormones. I’ll add a article about what I’ve found with various lockup periods.
What about sex? I don’t want to limit myself to sex once per week and you shouldn’t either. Feel free to unlock him throughout the week for sex, cleanings really anything that you see fit. Don’t get him overly accustomed to you unlocking him but you should feel fine about unlocking him anytime you wish. Sex with a locked man is great! His member is always ready and you need not be concerned with a semi-hard penis due to recent masturbation. You will also find his penis to be a bit smoother due to being confined in a smooth apparatus. That smooth feeling removes some of the uncomfortable friction and I find it to be noticeably more pleasurable. Another option that you might consider is sex without unlocking him. How would you have sex without unlocking him?
Pegging of course! In his newly discovered emotional state, he will likely be very open to trying new things especially things of a sexual nature. This might be a great opportunity to try pegging which will only serve to make you feel empowered and make him feel somewhat more emasculated. This is a great way to assert your relationship dominance and help him understand what it is like for us, being on the receiving end. There is no doubt that a pegging session or two will make him a better and more considerate lover. We resort to pegging at least once a week and I always initiate. Typically I will go into the night stand, grab my strap-on and tell him to roll onto his tummy. I don’t like to overthink it by asking him to do an enema etc. By turning it into an ordeal, it becomes less impactful and less dominant of an act. You want your tone to come off as “Roll over, I want your ass!” instead of “Tonight I’d like to peg you so please make sure that you clean yourself out after your shower and get dressed for bed”. Pegging loses all of it’s inherent dominance if you don’t make it spontaneous and immediate. One thing I’ve found is that this allows me to be rougher and less delicate with him. I like holding his arm down, his legs back, tell him what position I want, tell him to push back on it when I get tired. Make sure that you be dominant and assert yourself, don’t ask him so many questions about what he wants, how he likes it. He will tell you if he doesn’t like something. I also really enjoy having him suck on my strap-on before we have a session. I find that the the act of him looking up at me while I reassure him and instruct him how best to suck my rubber penis is very arousing and further empowers me and turns me on for the act that is to come.
You might ask why he would he agree to all of this? The answer is because he craves a woman who takes the uncertainty out of sex for him. Sex can be confusing and all-consuming for a man since every fiber of their being requires that they empty those balls on a very regular basis. With your guidance, he realizes that the emptying of his balls is no longer is up to his whim. You benefit because he is no longer pestering you because there are now consequences for the ask. He will come to realize that much of his day is spent trying to plant innuendo in ways that will convince you to sleep with him. He will try to do the same thing to get you to unlock him but will find that he feel stripped of that power, that obligation to his animal side. He can now rest assured that someone else has taken that burden from him and he can focus on his daily life.
Energy and time that was previously spent trying to convince you to sleep with him, masturbating is now redirected to you, work, hobbies or other priorities. You are redefining his masculinity and he now knows that the sexual aspect of his life is outside of his control and he only faces consequences when he tries to influence your sexual plans for him. After a short while, you and he will both appreciate a much more healthy, positive, emotionally positive, sexually rewarding and productive relationship. Within a week your relationship will twist, turn and by the time you are ready to unlock him, you will be amazed at the person that he has become. Sometimes I will hold his locked cock in my hand and have a conversation, the reassurance of my hand will really allow him to open up and speak with a significantly heightened level of communication.
In summary. Start taking control of your relationship by limiting his orgasms to once per week and slowly try to bring a cock cage and pegging into your relationship if you can. If you can make him feel like these ideas are his own, it will be much easier. It is doubtful that you will ever get him to want to be locked up but you may gain his acceptance that he needs to be locked up. Men are very eager to please us and if he can see how much happier he is making you, he just might understand why this is a need for your relationship. Males are fundamentally different than us and that isn’t a bad thing. We just need to look at it from a purely scientific approach and mold our relationship goals around the needs of our men. Don’t think less of him or get too frustrated about his constant needs, this is how men are designed and the constant filling and draining of his reproductive fluids is just something that comes with his gender. None of my suggestions should create work for you. In fact, you will find that with a few simple tweaks to your daily routine these guidelines will significantly increase the happiness and overall health of your relationship. Most of the changes are on him and will come naturally with some tweaks to his sexual expectations and some very minor tweaks to your relationship. Once you learn to control his urges, you will have an emotionally present man who is capable of maintaining a relationship that is rewarding for both of you.