Taking the Reigns

Managing a modern relationship can be difficult with all of the expectations of today’s woman. I don’t know about you but finding a guy who is appreciative of what we go through is challenging if not impossible. I’m currently working on a masters in psychology and human sexual response so I’ve applied some of my research to my personal life. AKA – Used my personal relationships as guinea pigs. I’ve had a couple long term and very fulfilling relationships that followed this formula. I’ve currently been with my boyfriend for about five years and we are considering marriage.

The number one thing that I attribute to this success is being in complete control of the sexual aspect of your relationship. I don’t mean that you have to be on top every time, do sex however you want but ensure that he must ask you for sex. If he attempts to initiate sex without asking permission, break off sexual activity and shoo him away.

If he asks for sex, don’t answer right away. Consider it for a moment before responding. This will ensure that he knows you are weighing the pros and cons and not overly anxious to hop in bed with him. Suggest and tease sex through the day and change your mind once you get home and comfortable. Too tired, headache you have used all of these reasons before. You want to show him that sex with him is a privilege and not something that he is owed. Certainly not something that he will get simply because you promised it earlier in the day. This will continue to reinforce his needs coming second to yours in the relationship. You want to demonstrate a level of sexual superiority in the relationship. As you build this dynamic, he will begin to feel less confident in the bedroom. Keeping your excitement about the prospect of having sex to a minimum will help him foster feelings of inadequacy and bring out some insecurities. This is a good thing, he needs a smack to his male confidence to help boost the importance of your sexual authority.

Once you get into the groove of things, you can start making other changes. One of the biggest is to stop sex when you are done not when he is done. Feeling uncomfortable? Feeling satisfied? Feeling bored? Just break it off and tell him that you are done for the evening. He will of course protest at the beginning but you can allow him to go to the restroom and finish himself off if you choose.

Initially sex can continue as normal but as time goes on, you should restrict him to having an orgasm on your terms. If you don’t get off, he shouldn’t either. I personally don’t allow my man to have an orgasm when we have sex and I don’t think you should either. Let sex be about the woman’s pleasure. This will ensure that he isn’t always in a hurry to complete the act and leave your pleasure as secondary. After sex, give him a rating of how much you liked it. We use the 1-10 scale but you can also use an A-F scale. Try to give mid-range scores with feedback on what he can do better to please you. You will see that he will be much more receptive to feedback and your pleasure than when he is permitted to ejaculate during sex.

Next comes masturbation. The male sexual arousal and sexual response is night and day different from that of the female. Females are capable of achieving orgasm multiple times and it doesn’t impact our hormones. Men on the other hand build up pressure in their testicles as sperm is produced. Semen is a mixture of fluid containing hormones and sperm. The hormones in semen are digested back into the body after about seven days and allow him to receive heightened levels of Oxytocin, the love hormone.

Most men masturbate at least once daily. Comb hair, brush teeth, shower, masturbate. Very routine indeed. As such, they have trained their bodies and their hormone (Oxytocin & Testosterone) levels to be very low. This presents a challenge since you will get a man who is interested in having his sexual needs fulfilled but not emotionally able to show you the love that you need for you to be able to feel aroused enough to want to have sex with him. Hormonal changes are the number one reason that sex typically drops off after marriage and relationships quickly become stale.

So how do you get your man to stop wanking? You can try a couple approaches with him. Be honest. Explain everything that I’ve explained here and see how he responds. I recommend that you allow him arousal through the week and full ejaculation on one day per week. This ensures that you’ve allowed his hormone levels to peak and release Oxytocin. If you start to suspect that he isn’t being honest with you and masturbating behind your back you can always test him. During his weekly ejaculation, have him ejaculate on your body so you can see his semen. If the volume is very low or is very watery, he isn’t telling the truth. After a week of pent up cum, it should be thick and there should be a large volume. If not, he is still keeping his old masturbation habits but telling you otherwise. 

The honesty approach typically only works for a short time before he will start lying about masturbating. Think about it, he has a habit that has been going on since he was a teen. If he is in his late twenties, early thirties or older that is quite a habit to break. That is when I go for a tool to help me enforce things. The chastity cage.

Cock cages are growing in popularity as they are getting visibility in mainstream press and the designs are less intrusive to movement than barbaric cages of yesteryear. Cages are easily purchased on Amazon, eBay or other online retailers. They are cheap, especially if you go with the Chinese brands and I would suggest that you start there. If you want this to fail, pull out the cage and tell him to put it on. You need to approach this more delicately. Tell him that if he can’t refrain from masturbating that you may need to resort to something a bit different to help him. That may pique his interest and start a conversation. You don’t want the cage to be a punishment but more of a tool that you can use together to heighten your love life. If you are denying and controlling the sexual aspect of your relationship he should be compliant because he is used to your sexual dominance by this point.

When you try on the cage with him, do it for a short period of time. 10 or 15 minutes. He should have minimal discomfort during that time and may even find the attention to his nether regions kinky or arousing. Wait a day or two, then see if he can go an hour. Two hours. See if he can make it overnight. They can be uncomfortable but a swipe of Vaseline against the touch points on the underside of the cage will get him through the night without complaint. Make sure that you unlock him first thing in the morning. Wipe him with a washcloth and reward him with some praise, a few tugs or a quick blowjob. No cumming of course.

You want him to associate the cage with pleasure but not necessarily with sexual release. Check on him several times a day, grab his crotch when you are alone and tell him that you are just doing a cage check. Compliment him on how he looks and how sexy the cage makes him. At this point I really do like the look of a locked penis over the a flaccid penis so for me at least, that isn’t any stretch of the truth. You want the cage to equal your sexual acceptance for him, with time the cage itself will bring emotional satisfaction and self-worth. You want him to feel wanted when wearing the cage, you want him to desire wearing the cage because of the way you treat him. Again, don’t go for too long with him in the cage this time as the discomfort (negative) may start to out weigh the positive stimulus that you are providing. You just want to have it on long enough to reinforce the positive stimulus that you are attaching to it. From there, put the cage on a shelf for a week or two and ignore him sexually for the most part. He will quickly remember the attention that he received while in the cage and subconsciously yearn for it. You want him to want the cage and actually request it. You really want him to think that it is his idea to be locked.

Now that you’ve got him buying in to the whole lockup idea, you can go a bit longer. Start slow again but after a few days or a week, you should be able to get him through a weekend caged. After the first day or two, he will complain and this is normal. Be patient with him and don’t be overly critical at his complaining. This is completely new to him and he is going to want to talk about it. He may even start to have feelings or emotions come up after a few days due to the changes in masturbation habits and constant stimulation down there. As you continue to work him up to your goal of a week, more emotions will surface. He isn’t used to these levels of what is predominately a female hormone. Think of yourself and the roller-coaster of emotions that we feel throughout the month. He is on a roller-coaster that he has never ridden before. You are the one sitting beside him and comforting him through the ride. This will only serve to heighten the emotional bond between the two of you.

As you work him up to longer than a weekend, he will undoubtedly be wearing his cage to work and while doing some physical activities. He may complain of discomfort while doing activities such as basketball, hiking, golf, hiking, bicycling or any other activities that he might do. If he has an active outdoor job, he may find some discomfort. This is only natural since it does restrict his movement. Use your judgement based upon the activity that he is doing but most guys can remain in the cage without release for the entire week. My previous boyfriend did some rock climbing at our local gym and although it felt different, we determined that he could wear it comfortably and safely while climbing. After a few months he even stated that it made him feel more secure. We did have to try a couple cages to find one that fit him well while climbing. We found that the soft silicon cage was a much better fit than hard plastic or metal.

After he is accustomed to the cage and his weekly release schedule, he may go back to asking for sex and whining about release. As we discussed above, this will undermine your dominance and you need to put a stop to this kind of behavior. You now quite literally hold the key to changing his behavior. If you don’t want complaints, ask him nicely to stop. If he doesn’t stop, put your finger to your lips and say shush. Explain to him that each time you have to shush him, he will get an extra day locked up. If he continues, put two fingers to your lips and say shush. The ONLY time that he is able to talk about it, joke about it or even acknowledge the cage is if there happens to be some sort of emergency or if I ask “How are you doing down there?”. Punishments can be soft at first but the cage isn’t meant to be a topic of conversation or even a punishment. If left unchecked, you will find that he wants to talk about it constantly. Some of this may be his way of passive aggressively reminding you that you’ve got him locked but he needs to stop pestering and acknowledge that this is simply a new way of doing your relationship. 

I’ve found that a week is a good time for most guys but you can extend that as long as you want. You want him to be obedient and compliant but you if he starts to act depressed or resentful you may want to adjust. Just be careful to keep an eye on his moods until you figure out the length of time that is perfect for him and his hormones. I’ll add a article about what I’ve found with various lockup periods.

What about sex? I don’t want to limit myself to sex once per week and you shouldn’t either. Feel free to unlock him throughout the week for sex, cleanings really anything that you see fit. Don’t get him overly accustomed to you unlocking him but you should feel fine about unlocking him anytime you wish. Sex with a locked man is great! His member is always ready and you need not be concerned with a semi-hard penis due to recent masturbation. You will also find his penis to be a bit smoother due to being confined in a smooth apparatus. That smooth feeling removes some of the uncomfortable friction and I find it to be noticeably more pleasurable. Another option that you might consider is sex without unlocking him. How would you have sex without unlocking him?

Pegging of course! In his newly discovered emotional state, he will likely be very open to trying new things especially things of a sexual nature. This might be a great opportunity to try pegging which will only serve to make you feel empowered and make him feel somewhat more emasculated. This is a great way to assert your relationship dominance and help him understand what it is like for us, being on the receiving end. There is no doubt that a pegging session or two will make him a better and more considerate lover. We resort to pegging at least once a week and I always initiate. Typically I will go into the night stand, grab my strap-on and tell him to roll onto his tummy. I don’t like to overthink it by asking him to do an enema etc. By turning it into an ordeal, it becomes less impactful and less dominant of an act. You want your tone to come off as “Roll over, I want your ass!” instead of “Tonight I’d like to peg you so please make sure that you clean yourself out after your shower and get dressed for bed”. Pegging loses all of it’s inherent dominance if you don’t make it spontaneous and immediate. One thing I’ve found is that this allows me to be rougher and less delicate with him. I like holding his arm down, his legs back, tell him what position I want, tell him to push back on it when I get tired. Make sure that you be dominant and assert yourself, don’t ask him so many questions about what he wants, how he likes it. He will tell you if he doesn’t like something. I also really enjoy having him suck on my strap-on before we have a session. I find that the the act of him looking up at me while I reassure him and instruct him how best to suck my rubber penis is very arousing and further empowers me and turns me on for the act that is to come. 

You might ask why he would he agree to all of this? The answer is because he craves a woman who takes the uncertainty out of sex for him. Sex can be confusing and all-consuming for a man since every fiber of their being requires that they empty those balls on a very regular basis. With your guidance, he realizes that the emptying of his balls is no longer is up to his whim. You benefit because he is no longer pestering you because there are now consequences for the ask. He will come to realize that much of his day is spent trying to plant innuendo in ways that will convince you to sleep with him. He will try to do the same thing to get you to unlock him but will find that he feel stripped of that power, that obligation to his animal side. He can now rest assured that someone else has taken that burden from him and he can focus on his daily life.

Energy and time that was previously spent trying to convince you to sleep with him, masturbating is now redirected to you, work, hobbies or other priorities. You are redefining his masculinity and he now knows that the sexual aspect of his life is outside of his control and he only faces consequences when he tries to influence your sexual plans for him. After a short while, you and he will both appreciate a much more healthy, positive, emotionally positive, sexually rewarding and productive relationship. Within a week your relationship will twist, turn and by the time you are ready to unlock him, you will be amazed at the person that he has become. Sometimes I will hold his locked cock in my hand and have a conversation, the reassurance of my hand will really allow him to open up and speak with a significantly heightened level of communication. 

In summary. Start taking control of your relationship by limiting his orgasms to once per week and slowly try to bring a cock cage and pegging into your relationship if you can. If you can make him feel like these ideas are his own, it will be much easier. It is doubtful that you will ever get him to want to be locked up but you may gain his acceptance that he needs to be locked up. Men are very eager to please us and if he can see how much happier he is making you, he just might understand why this is a need for your relationship. Males are fundamentally different than us and that isn’t a bad thing. We just need to look at it from a purely scientific approach and mold our relationship goals around the needs of our men. Don’t think less of him or get too frustrated about his constant needs, this is how men are designed and the constant filling and draining of his reproductive fluids is just something that comes with his gender. None of my suggestions should create work for you. In fact, you will find that with a few simple tweaks to your daily routine these guidelines will significantly increase the happiness and overall health of your relationship. Most of the changes are on him and will come naturally with some tweaks to his sexual expectations and some very minor tweaks to your relationship. Once you learn to control his urges, you will have an emotionally present man who is capable of maintaining a relationship that is rewarding for both of you.

 

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So you want her to lock you up?

I started this blog a month or two ago and the single biggest question is from guys asking how they can get their girlfriends or wives to lock them up. I decided to put some ideas together but please remember that this is not about your little fetish, this is about her and what she wants. If she says no, don’t pester her. Bring this up once every six months tops and try a different approach each time. The last things he wants to hear is her guys latest fetish over and over again. Most of my articles are written for her but this one is written specifically for the guy that wants to be locked up.

  1. Explain to her that this is not something kinky. Tell her it’s because you love her and think it will bring you closer together.
  2. Find some erotic male chastity stories that are somewhat realistic and romantic, and show them to her. Perhaps the two of you can read them together as foreplay. If you find good ones, please send them my way and I can link them here.
  3. Tell her that you are concerned you are not being the best husband you can be. Explain to her that male chastity is about her feelings and not yours.
  4. Show her some of the many articles online that explain that male chastity is romantic and designed to ensure you will stay together forever. Tell her you want this because you value your relationship and want to grow old with her.
  5. Be honest and tell her exactly how often you masturbate. Explain to her that you can’t help it, and let her know how ashamed you are. Mention that you think about other women when you do it, but you want to only think of her whenever you are sexually stimulated.
  6. Let her know that you are sometimes tempted to stray. Reassure her that you don’t really want to stray, but confess that you are weak – as all men are. Tell her you are worried that if you are not locked up, you will one day cheat on her and ruin your relationship.
  7. If you have a small penis, tell her you want to learn other ways to please her that don’t involve penetration. Explain that as long as your penis is free, you are driven to mount her – even though you know she’d be much happier with hours of oral sex.
  8. Remind her that once you are locked up, she’ll never have to give you a blowjob again. Tell her you’ve had enough, and it’s time for you to be the one on your knees.
  9. Explain that once you are locked up you’ll be motivated to do more around the house – and ask her what chores she would like you to take over once you are in chastity.
  10. Discuss how you’ll be forced to sit down to pee while locked up, and how this will make your bathroom floor much cleaner. It will also give you an extra moment or two to reflect on how important she is to your life.
  11. She should know that once you are locked up she would be in control of the situation. If she only wants you locked up for a few hours at a time, that’s fine. If she wants you locked up for a month, you’ll also agree to that. The point is she has to understand she can make the rules and keep you in chastity any way that feels comfortable for her.
  12. Tell her this doesn’t mean she has to give up penetration. Talk to her about how it can actually make penetrative sex hotter for both of you. Explain that having sex with her need not include you ejaculating. Separating your ejaculation from sex will ensure that sex is truly about her and her needs. 
  13. Finally, and this is the most important part, tell her how much you love her and that you desire this because of your deep and abiding adoration of her.

Pressure

One of the best things about locking your man is the complete removal of pressure to have sex. Previously I would feel like we would flirt through the day and I would feel pressured that sex was expected that night. When he is locked up, the pressure is completely removed. The pressure would sometimes make me feel like I couldn’t tease him through the day – grab his butt, be overly flirtatious because he would then have expectations that night. Now, the GOAL is for him to have unfulfilled expectations with the looming reward being the ever-dangling carrot of sweet release.

Now I tease freely with zero regard for consequences, anxiety or pressure. I simply see his nice butt and give it a squeeze. I see his caged cock and give it a nice tug to make sure everything is secure. Short blog today but I was just thinking about then when I got out of the shower this morning, walked up behind him and started kissing his ear and blowing my warm breath on his neck. He moaned pleasurably and then grimaced as he undoubtedly felt the strain on his cage.

I wouldn’t call us an overly kinky couple, in fact we were fairly vanilla until we discovered the cage less than a year ago but it has absolutely changed things for us. Our marriage is now so much more fulfilling by harnessing one little thing and using it to take our relationship up a notch. If you’ve been on the fence about locking your guy, I encourage you to give it a shot. I can really understand how these things are quickly losing their taboo and becoming so mainstream.

We had some family in town and a bit of a rough weekend so he missed his regular Sunday release so it is going to be a long week.  For him.

Sex Schedule

Are you a monster? Scheduling sex takes the fun out of it! You might think so but I’ve found that setting expectations and taking privileges away if life gets difficult, his behavior isn’t up to par or I simply decide to. I’ve also found that your man doesn’t need ejaculation or penis/vagina sex or anything in particular. Your guy just needs sexual attention and this can be in the form of teasing, pegging, cuddling, kissing  and oral (giving or receiving). What your man needs is to feel sexy and feel wanted. The more sexual energy that you spread his way, the happier he will be and the more he will be under your spell. Compliments about his behavior, teasing him about his size or being locked and unable to satisfy you, guys that you find attractive… really anything – the more you act like your sexual self around him, the more he fulfilled that he will feel with the sexual aspect of your relationship. At the end of the day, the ultimate goal here is to have a healthy relationship and for both of you to feel totally fulfilled. As an example, here is our weekly schedule and we are both busy so we don’t follow it too closely but it does give us a guideline so we can make sure that we are both getting what we need. 

Teasing

Teasing is one of the best things about having your man on a release cycle as it allows you to exert your dominance on him. Whether locked or not, make sure you do lots of touching, brush by him grab his butt. Lean down in front of him to pick things up and grind yourself against him. Go over-the-top with your teasing while he is locked to amplify the effects of his lockup time. I especially like laying on the bed sticking my butt out and “presenting myself to him”. Maybe even shaking my butt a little bit knowing full well that he is quivering and aching in his cage wanting nothing more than to get out. After doing some of these things, make sure you ask for a back massage or shoulder rub so he can redirect some of that pent up energy back toward you!

Peg Him

I know. You do this already but this time, why not try leaving him caged if you don’t normally? Spank him before you peg him if you don’t already. Make his butt all red and tender before you start pushing yourself into him. Teasing is all about mixing things up. The more routine things get, the less stimulated your teasing will get him.

Masturbate For Him

Play with yourself! Either keep him locked in his cage or handcuff his hands behind his back to ensure that he doesn’t touch. You can even have him go down on you to kick things off.

Strap-On Reversal

Give him your strap-on and ask him to fuck you. Do not release him from his cage and don’t use one of those thick penis extender sheaths. You want him to remain locked and you want him to see you being penetrated while feeling nothing from the experience. All he will feel is pressure from his cage. If you are truly evil, get a cage with spikes. Don’t use one of those penis extender/sheaths, he can still get some pleasure or pressure from those. You want him to watch it slide into you and instead of feeling glorious, he feels absolutely nothing. You may even go over the top with the moaning or go over-the top with your compliments about it. Pick something bigger, longer, wider, longer, shorter or curvier. Just pick something different and tell him how much different it feels. This should really accentuate your play.

Poker Chips

I got some poker chips through a trade show that I attended and put them to good use. I have five red poker chips. Each poker chip is worth an orgasm for the boyfriend. He can orgasm as he wishes but he must remove a poker chip from my bedside table each time he gives himself an orgasm.  At any point, he may put his cage back on for a week and earn a chip back. If he ever reaches zero chips, he must go all five weeks in his chastity cage to get all of his chips back.

How do you know if your man masturbates too much?

Ask your man how much he masturbates and I think you will be very surprised. If he says anything less than once per day he is probably lying. Men should only cum once every 5-7 days (depending on age) and testosterone levels. Here is a very general guideline to help you find his correct level:

20-29 Years – Three to five days
30-49 Years – Five to seven days
50-59 Years – Ten to twelve days
60+ Years    – Twice a month tops.

He should always ask your permission before masturbating, few men have enough self control to limit their masturbation on their own. If you suspect that he is masturbating behind your back, have him cum on your chest and examine the amount of cum. You know the regular amount of cum that your man can produce. If his levels are too low, you know he is not being truthful about his masturbation habits.

This is very common and almost all men require a chastity device to get their habits under control. There are simply too many distractions and porn and erotic images are too easily accessible. If he has an accident and breaches your trust, you should punish him by whatever means you use in your relationship but that punishment should be much less severe if he tells you about it rather than you catch him lying to you about it based on his low semen volume.

Sexual urges can be very distracting and your man will grow to appreciate your help with controlling his urges. His testicles spend every waking hour producing sperm and hormones which his body tells him that he needs to release frequently. You want to step in and stop that release to ensure that you get the best man that he can possibly be. Frequent masturbating changes his mindset from wanting to please one woman to lusting after multiple women. Control that mindset and ensure that every release of his semen are with you. If you have him on a ejaculation cycle, obviously this would be different.

If you must allow him to masturbate without you (long distance relationships, frequent travel etc) have him masturbate to a photo of you or a pair of your panties. Have questions? Comment below.

Managing Your Man’s Release

As you undoubtedly know, women enjoy a great rush with an orgasm but it isn’t quite the same as men. Depending on mood, stress and hormone levels, women can go for days or weeks without even wanting an orgasm. Men aren’t quite the same for a few reasons. Let’s go through the effects of a man that isn’t permitted to release his sperm.

When a woman enjoys an orgasm, her body releases some hormones that give her pleasure but those hormones don’t really build up over time. Men have a physical body part that fills up over time and they feel an absolute need to release their sperm. This is a evolutionary thing, men need to spill their seed so they can continue the species. If men had no desire to use their penises (penii? hah) it would end the human race rather quickly. What we are talking about here is manipulating your man’s natural sexual desire to strengthen your relationship. The natural sexual desire is the source of wandering eyes and marriage itself is designed to manipulate the natural sexual desires.

Sperm are created and develop on a 72 day cycle called spermatogenesis (I’ll try and keep the big words to a minimum, this isn’t that kind of blog). Testicles are a big mass of tubing that if uncoiled would be about 25 feet long (each). The sperm travels through this tube and when ejaculation happens, it is mixed with semen a watery substance that helps the sperm survive in the not so delicate, acidic environment of a vagina. When ejaculation happens before sperm can be produced, it can appear more watery because you are seeing fluid with very low levels of sperm in it.

  • 1 Day – Not much happens. Maybe some desire. Most men masturbate once or twice a day but it isn’t the end of the world if they skip a day since there isn’t much pressure to speak of. Daily masturbation is more of a habit,  not a biological need.
  • 2 Days – Typically men start to feel some pressure on the second day as their testicles are used to a daily release. While there still isn’t a biological need, they can start to feel uncomfortable as their testicles start to fill up.
  • 3 Days – With sufficient protein and zinc intake, it takes about three days for a man’s testicles to fill up. By this time a man who is used to daily masturbation is really starting to feel like he needs a release to help ease the discomfort that he is feeling. Imagine the cramps and bloating that you feel during your period but confined to one much smaller area of your body. It is no lie, they really do need to release their spunk. Also at this time when aroused, pre-cum will leak after about the third day.
  • 5 Days – After the third day, the testicles are full in most men. At the 3-5 day mark, sperm will be the healthiest and will lose their motility (ability to swim well) after the fifth day. If you were trying to conceive, you would want to “clean out his pipes” every three days to ensure that the sperm in each ejaculation is as healthy as possible. He will feel uncomfortable here but aside from some pressure and aching, it shouldn’t be significant.
  • 6-8 Days – By the seven day mark, he will start to feel some real discomfort as his body will be accustomed to constant sperm production. He will start having some emotions typically associated with female PMS as sperm production shuts down. The seven day mark is where the body starts absorbing some of the hormones related to sperm production to keep the sperm alive. This absorption will be unfamiliar to the frequent masturbator and he may lash out or appear cranky with these new emotions as the hormones are released back into his body instead of being released into a tissue or wherever his semen is typically released. If he is allowed a release at this point, the full amount of semen cannot be released and many of the hormone levels will remain in his body. My preference is to keep a man on a seven day cycle (give or take a day).
  • 10 -14 Days – Extended periods up to two weeks won’t hurt but don’t significantly help. The benefit to a lockup of this length is when using lockup as a punishment since the mild discomfort turns to a throbbing pain/discomfort. hormones continue throughout this period. He can begin to be cranky or irritable but the consequence of extending his lockup by a day or two will usually get this under control.
  • 15+ Days – Not my cup of tea. Typically they start to get depressed and even resentful. Consequences must be increased as the threat of a day or two extension isn’t as impactful anymore. The body adapts to the new hormone levels and the man will lose a bit of his edge but become more subservient and quiet. Benefits of a long lockup like this can last a while after release so feel free to use a good long lockup to kick start a new relationship.

Ejaculation Cycles For Effective Management

  • Seven Day – This is my favorite cycle for my guy. After release he will have heightened levels of Oxytocin and be generally more agreeable/mold-able by the third or fourth seven day cycle. You will notice a man on a seven day cycle will tend to be more loving, more willing to do things around the house like cleaning and parenting. Hormones released before ejaculation will linger in the body for the next five to seven days so you will get an overall better man when you’ve got him on his 7 day cycle. You will find that this will get you a more verbal male capable of deeper more emotional conversations. After about the third day, he will open up and have share feelings that he wouldn’t normally share. His increasing hormones will encourage him to talk and share his feelings. Once you are on a good seven day cycle, you can expect to build a deeper connection with him.
  • 14 Day – I do mix these in from time to time but they are usually attached to a punishment. Typically the pain and discomfort associated with the longer lockups will keep him much happier to be back on his normal lockup cycle. There are hormonal benefits here since hormones do continue to build through the cycle. I go to the 14 day cycle a few times a year when I want him to be especially compliant or as a punishment when he messes up. If we take him off the his normal cycle because we are traveling or life gets in the way, I will usually kick start things with a 14 day cycle.
  • 30 Day – I really don’t do these much as they can tend to make him resentful or depressed. They can be great if your fella is especially cocky, arrogant or fights you with the process.
  • 30+ Days – I don’t ever do more than 30 days, it just isn’t my thing. A man needs to have his orgasms and they do him good. A constant reminder of the reward that I hold the keys to.
  • Irregular/Unscheduled – Some couples may want to do this infrequently to add a boost to your relationship. While I am confident that you will eventually end up with one of the above release schedules, this is a great place to start.

What If I Go Longer?

I have tried going longer than the time-frames that I suggested above and his sex drive seemed to wane. After a week he is frustrated and sore. After two weeks he is sore, distracted and grumpy. After three weeks, he starts to get very emotional, sad, crying, whining etc. After a month he starts to get apathetic and defeated. I put him on testosterone booster pills, had him look at porn and ramped up the teasing a bit but it didn’t really do much. I suppose the old adage of “if you don’t use it, you lose it” may be true for penises or at least sexual desire. I say keep him going with releases every week or two tops and you will harness all of his manly vigor without any real side effects. My sample size of locked men is small so feel free to experiment, maybe mine have been exceptions.

What is The Perfect Ejaculation Cycle?

Finding the perfect cycle for your man will help set expectations for his scheduled release and it is important that you help him understand the reasoning behind his schedule. The lockup schedule will help him get on track so you can have the five star relationship that you’ve always wanted/expected. Don’t forget to compliment the behaviors that you like when he exhibits them so he knows your expectation and can continue to repeat the behaviors that you enjoy. If you have decided to go the irregular/unscheduled route, consider explaining to him that you like when he self-locks and hands you the key especially when you are feeling down or upset with him. It does feel great to receive a hug and a key since he knows that you are upset and will be needing all of that redirected sexual energy for whatever you are going through. A thoughtful guy is a locked guy than a self-locked guy is so much more.

This acclimation process typically takes a few months. Emotionally he will go through the standard Five Stages of Grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Once he’s gone through that, something amazing will happen. He will not only get used to wearing a chastity device, he will actually feel naked when it’s off. During his weekly release (typically Sunday) he tells me that he doesn’t sleep as well since he is required to sleep without his cage.

Over time, you’ll be amazed at how much it will diminish his selfishness, take the edge off some of the harsher aspects of his masculinity, and improve his attitude. He will become highly motivated to please and keep you happy.  He will learn and come to accept that your sexual pleasure comes first, and that his is secondary – and that sexually pleasing a woman very little to do with his penis. True pleasure for us comes from his attitude, willingness to help and be thoughtful. Sexually we get plenty of pleasure from his fingers, his mouth, and his tongue. During this time, he will become expert at eating you out and may actually ask you what you like sexually. You will also see that his sexual energy is redirected in non-sexual ways. Typically massages are offered willingly with no pressure or guilt when a simple shoulder massage doesn’t turn into sex.

From a very high level it may appear as if you are simply withholding sex in the hopes that your man will work hard in hopes of sexual gratification but it is more complex than that. Sex is a primal human need (sleep, food, water, sex) and has deep emotional and psychological roots. When you manipulate the sexual relationship you are reaching past his consciousness and manipulating him at a much deeper level. As a result of this sexual manipulation, your his emotions and feelings about you and your relationship become fundamentally altered.

Soon, your sexual energy and authority become synonymous and he will see you as the authority in the relationship. If you attempted to use sex as a tool, it would be very obvious and he would grow resentful – as is very common in relationships. If you were to use power only, he would grow resentful and find your hostility a turn-off. When you combine sexual energy and the undeniable power that comes with it, he very quickly becomes addicted from deep in his psyche. His body and mind change and he will soon submit himself to your authority. He will begin to find great joy in doing things that please you.

Devices & Teasing

Most men do require devices to enforce these cycles. I’ve tried the honor system before and it rarely works. When the honor system is used, ensure that you check the consistency of his semen when he is allowed to release. After the third day, he should always be leaking pre-cum when aroused. I like to lean forward in front of  him and present myself to him. Moan a bit and grind back into his cage while teasing him and reminding him how much I miss his penis. I will then check to make sure that there is visible leakage. Added benefit of teasing is that it helps keep him in an aroused state to keep sperm and hormone production high. After doing this for some time, I’ve also come to prefer the look of a locked penis to a flaccid one but that one is just personal preference.

What If My Man Had a Vasectomy?

Only abut two to five percent of what he ejaculates is actually sperm. The real benefits of managing his ejaculation cycles is from his body reclaiming the fluids that are typically released along with the sperm when his ejaculation happens. This fluid comes from  his prostate, seminal vesticles and is where the hormones and the real benefits come from. The only difference with a man with a vasectomy is that his semen will generally be clearer than a man who is producing health sperm. Your man will still feel the same discomfort and urges to ejaculate as a man who is still producing  healthy sperm and most importantly, you will still get the same hormonal benefits.

Should He Eat His Own?

This is where I sometimes lose people and this is totally optional but I feel like it is a good idea since it is something that he undoubtedly doesn’t want to do. While it may sound kinky at first and a locked guy will likely agree to it easily, he will lose all desire to do this once it spurts from his body. So I do frequently ask him to eat his cum because it does reinforce dominance and ingesting those little swimmers has some proven health benefits. If you want to read about the benefits, you can do that here. My recommendation is that you not move too quickly with this one. Start with the lockup and throw this one in when you feel that the opportunity presents itself or you want to deepen his submission to you.

That’s it for now. Let me know if you want me to talk about anything specific. I am kinda enjoying the opportunity to get my thoughts out of my head and onto the internet so I’ll keep this up for a while.